hold me close and never let go

2006-11-04T23:31:00.000+08:00

didnt win the fucking prize at downtown east.
don't know why they even put it up there for.
cunts.

i hate this fucking world.
i hate everyone.
fuck off.
leave me be!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-03T15:37:00.000+08:00

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVED!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-01T13:32:00.000+08:00

Your Wrath Quotient: 72%

Everyone around you pretty much fears your wrath... which is probably what you want.
But just remember, there's a very thin line between fear and hate!

How Much Wrath Do You Have?

fuck man. everyone is bitchy and irritating!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate this world. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-31T11:01:00.000+08:00

haha. watch the video. it's bloody funny.

anyway, school has been mighty fine because it's been so slack. haha. oh well!!!!!!!!!!! poor baby so poorthing has stomach pains. but i kissed it away!!! heheh. (((:
leandra's birthday on the 9th. and MoS on the 10th, Friday. REALLY REALLY REALLY hope i can make it. wheeee. party party party. for now, training's at 7pm. blee. ends so late!!!! hahaha. ):

2006-10-28T10:46:00.000+08:00

low life sorts are always looking for answers. maybe to ease the destitution of their rather boring life? maybe they have nothing else better to do but to come to my blog everyday just to see if i have replied to their anonymous posts from days ago? do you see how pathetic these persons have become? i see it, crystal clear. the fact of the matter is, he chose me instead of you.

2006-10-27T22:45:00.000+08:00

Did you know? Sickle Cell Anemia gives you resistance to Malaria.

so today's class wasn't much of a bore because i was clearly fascinated by serra (my tudong-clad group member) as she spoke such precise Chinese. i know i shouldn't have been so rudely shocked because i had/have a friend malina who also studies Chinese more diligently than me. that is, if i ever was diligent. haha. okay, many 2 years in my entire primary school life i studied. and i was really excited/happy when i got my results. but it didn't/doesn't have much of an impact in my life. still.

and now i have a sudden longing for my secondary school best friends - abby and cheryl. have you ever realized that you can't remember the exact way you were introduced to your best friends? ever wondered what brought you so close? or how you formed that special bond? just a thought because i have nothing to say. haha. miss you girlies!!!

goodnight
cruel world

2006-10-26T13:57:00.000+08:00

boring. school has been so dumb, i think i'd be smarter if i stay home and sleep!!! hahaha. today's lesson is like music "appreciation". so funny la. 3 blind mice the whole day. OMG!!!!! i can't wait. it's only like 40 DAYS to my birthday. wa wa wee wa!!! hahaha. thats a tagalog show by the way. heh.

i watched the guardian yesterday cos i won tickets from powerjam. haha. leandra's band played great on friday and i just decided to heck it and wait till they finished the full set. they came in third last night. not bad!!! hahah. ((: her birthday party's on the 8th, gonna pray i can make it. today baby was damn poorthing. he's so worried about his fine then so bad mood. don't worry babe!!!! haha.

OMFG. i just realised ORRY is in Pantat's band. OMFG OMFG OMFG. i loved him since i came to know of stpats. hahahaha.

loves.
notes of randomisation.

2006-10-16T21:18:00.000+08:00

so i've been talking to lina just now and we both feel the same way about our lives now. guess we need a turning point. not just a small step but maybe something like a run across to the next junction.

you know how everyone - you - should try everything at least once in your life? well, do it. haha. whatever. this post was supposed to be up yesterday, when i knew what i wanted to write about. but now, it just sounds damn random to me. (:

alright, today i got really bored in class, apart from making a darn excellent presentation, i was searching for things on the Stockholm Syndrom. It's like so freaking weird, the way it works. go read about it. i read it on my best friend, yea, you guessed it, WIKI!!!!!

kinda looked forward to training today. bleah. it was so damn hazy i wanted to take a deep breath and kill myself. hmm, the irony. so, today was my first time ever in a GYM. funness. coolness. maxxxx. hahaha. it was a really good experience. and now i just wanna go back there and run like i did. run. and run. and run. and run, and run. you know what's the best song to run to? No Doubt's RUNNING. ahahahaha. lameness.

so, like, everyone's on to the whole bring it on 3 thing. oh puh-lease. i watched it during the last holiday on dvd. and the only thing nice about that show was the shabuya-ing. other than that, there are no real hotties in this show. only sluts and bimbos. heh.

alrighty. whatever that cPanel thing is, it sure is irritating me. a whole lot. goodnight!!!! parents are back home from drinking. (:

2006-10-05T21:24:00.000+08:00

sorry i have been pretty inactive in updating. had such a ~~bad~~ no horrible day!!!!!! was late for school as usual. haha. (have been for the past 2 weeks.) ok la great, then it was my science lesson today. awmagawd. what could get worse right? it was about diffraction - and i only had 2 other group members present. i was practically yanking my hair out while researching. bleah. i hate getting the most difficult parts of the theory cos i'm not mentally present when all the important things are happening. hahahaha. the only thing that's still keeping me in school is

my dad's perpetually at home
i have nothing else to do
i don't want to see my dad that much
my grades are kinda good in school
i have what's left of friendship and a social life there

uhuh. that is basically it. pathetic. i know. what's worse is that all that time i could be home. creepy. eew. i went out after school. err, yea, alone. and i went to plaza sing. initial plan was to go to tangs with company. but company couldn't show up. so i went to visit jon. haven't seen him since the last time i went to simpang. errrr. much more than a month ago. tried to find a dress. but guess what. i'm so fucking fat nothing fits. bish!

so well, on sunday, my cousin's gonna turn a month old!!!!!!!!! yey! cute little baby megan. after which i'd be heading to jess and doren's wedding. hahaha. niceee. i hope i can drink. but *wink wink godpa.* hahaha.

it's 2 months to my birthday. officially 16years10months old today. ((((: so people, i've been thinking about it. i want; (please buy as follows)

green havanias thongs
5 outfitters girls tees (NOW ON SALE!! $8 each)
greenandblack striped dorothy perkins knit
laptop case - function's fine
greenandwhite pony shoes
swatch watch
a pretty bag which is comfortable and big enough (and long lasting) to stuff all my shit for school.

i'm being very practical. it's things i can use everyday. and you know how much i hate changing bags. cos i always forget something. (: heh. that's stephie for you. hurry birthday, hurry!!!!!

i love you all who buy me a freaking present. it will only make the last day of year 1 more memorable. :)

2006-10-01T02:36:00.000+08:00

fuck. i'm still up at 2.30am. this really sucks. yesterday, had another 4/5 gathering. so fun my gosh! hahaha. i bought such a pretty neckalace with a disco ball. hahaha. now i want the agar agar looking one. but i was so sleepy at tiffyk.'s place cos i came directly from school. btw, the stuff was made by tiffyk. and cheryl. very pretty things you have there. ((:

today woke up kinda early and headed to turf city once again. i miss playing on saturdays with RPMoon - the mixed team. hahaha. oh well, we're still training together and i miss lina at training. ): oh well, i reached the field drenched and everyone was feeling so fucking cold. haha. when all the matches were done and i was pretty much dried off, idiot matt went to spray water on the right side of my clothes. did he know what a moron i looked like after that. and the painful biting cold i had to endure in the air conditioning. bastard. hahaha.

reached home at 5.30 and ate. slept from then till 9+. woke up to my mum screaming at football matches on tv. so i sat there watching too! and before the arsenal - aston villa match, there was Napolean Dynamite!!!!! it's so funny. i watched once, like when arul came over, a long time ago. my mum says the show's damn lame but my brother thinks otherwise. hahaha.

i don't feel sleepy at all. shit. and i have to wake up to go to church at 10.20. cos my dad wants to eat the hot dogs. that's the only motivation he has for going to church. i'm totally dissapointed that he wants to go for the 11am mass cos i soooo like the 12.30 choir better. and besides, shaunie's playing the drums. hahahaha. i wish i could go back to sing. i can, but that will mean i have no more free days at all. and with the little i have now, i already feel on the verge of a nervous breakdown. no melodrama in that.

oh well, frankie jordan does it for me. (: once again.

2006-09-28T22:09:00.000+08:00

HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
NICHOLAS
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so oh well, nothing new today. had a really fun yet productive training. i totally adore guys with abs, but some of them are the most annoying. hahahaha. i think i have proven my point.

tomorrow - fondue party at tiffy khoo's place. wheee. i don't feel like going to school cos it's math. i was stressed like shit today. science. some shit about structure and function of cells. with only 2 group members. it was almost impossible. but it turned out just fine i think. and i'm so hooked on sudoku. omfg. i can't believe it. i even have the handheld game thing which looks like tetris. hahaha.

okay. i'm getting really sleepy from everything that has happened today. pbl tires me. ): but i guess i learn more. blee. goodnight cruel world!

2006-09-25T15:51:00.000+08:00

there was deliberate ommission of my previous posts. so sorry for the lack of updates, i really haven't been in the mood. hahaha. so here's a summary of what's been going on. i had a terribly lousy first-day-of-school on thursday, which was also the first day of semester. so new class, new classroom, new facilitators. not really but yuck.

my class just ended and i just wanna go home and sleep till ANTM starts. well, it's not even in it's 5th episode yet and in the states cycle 7 has already been through half it's episodes. staying in singapore is such a bitch. pay for everything and still lagging in stupid television shows. pfft. i finished up most of my work 'cept for rj. bahhhh. just sitting in class till lina's done. then it's off to the french school. haha. can't wait to get out of this bitch of a cold classroom.

breakfast'ed with hardeep. yummm. jumbo chic and cheese. haha. then lunched with pantat. omg. that boy ate 8 bucks worth of thai food, which isn't all that expensive in food haven. hahaha. after that it was back to class and i've been here ever since. i've made friends with smarties. yea, i learnt that from past experiences. haha.

changed the colour of my nails to

yea. blue. hahaha. and i'm in a super christmas mood now. OMFG.

I JUST CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!! 91 days time!!! everyone, do the jingle bell rock. (:

2006-09-18T18:32:00.000+08:00

overexposure.

2006-09-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

today's game was AWESOME. and so bloody disgusting cos i can't believe we slid on the muddy ground. just painted my nails pure green!!! refer below for graphics. hahahahahah.
aren't they a beauty. iheartgreensofreakinmuch. yea. i know i don't exactly have ideal modelish hands cos my fingers are so short and stubby like twisties but whatever. i love my hands. hmph! my daddy's birthday is less than 30 mins away. lalala. i don't feel like wishing him cos he's been so nasty. countdown to my own 17th: 78 days!!!!!

rugby makes me horny.

2006-09-14T14:07:00.000+08:00

i swear i played my millionth game of solitaire last night. it was so horrible. i had no internet connection and my whole life came crumbling down like a really good scone. but all's well when my saviour cheryl called!! haha. we talked about what we were going to do today. supposed to watch a movie and all but i have the dvd so we didn't.

well, i just woke up not too long ago. feel like an ass la. but i slept from 4 am so can't blame me right? i've been having really strange and bad sleeping patterns lately. training is just so exhausting so i just fall asleep without a doubt. and wake up at 12am. haha. that sucks the most. cos everyone else is about to fall asleep at that time, it ain't good.

so excited for tonight!

2006-09-10T22:13:00.000+08:00

look at her. such a cutsie.

i wish she was mine.

megan, you are so fragile.

when your eyes first open, i hope you see me!!!

but i doubt so. it'll probably be one of those nurses that you won't remember.

or your mummy.

your brother will be jealous of you.

but he'll take care of you.

welcome to the family, baby megan.

jie jie stephie loves you!!!!

((:

2006-09-08T00:05:00.000+08:00

OMFG. seems like a gazzillion gazzibillion years since i've seen 4/5 together. that makes me so fuckin sad. what ever happened to meeting every friday or whatever plans we made to meet up at least weekly? haha. but finally. we're gonna see each other looking so tertiary-ish!!!!!!! the antiscipation is killer. haha. reunion at 85. sweet.

so many people's birthday in september? now i know people get busy during the holidays. all warm in their beds, bodies entwined. the list is as follows: grandma; ain; mimi; cheryl; dad; pantat. that's alot la. hahahaha. have your parents been naughty or nice?

it's almost 87 days to my birthday!!! WHEE. in all my sour 16 years, it has never been on a school day. i hope it turns out good. don't want it to flop. seriously. ((:

2006-09-06T22:22:00.002+08:00

So well, had a sleepless night again last night cos I slept straight after coming home from rugby. I was so tired and probably pushed myself abit much cos I puked most of my Gatorade after sprints. Not very sure if it’s stomach flu or just training. Haha.

Went to Marina as usual at 3 to meet dee after work and then we went to have sakae sushi with his friend. We had buffet!! Haha. So it cost us 53 bucks in the end. So full we almost puked again. Haha. After that we went for a round of pool. I hate losing. ): !!!!

Just bought new runners!!! Wheee. Not really looking forward to tomorrow's training cos I know it's sprints AGAIN. Btw, who the fuck is farks? You know that writing these things will not gain you popularity or any sort of recognition you are looking for. I can always be 10 times bitchy and if I find out who you are, you're not really gonna like it. So save your energy and bitchy comments to yourself. bitch.

okaythankyoubyebye.

2006-09-03T21:59:00.000+08:00

omg. class outing to sentosa tomorrow morning. training at yio chu kang stadium tomorrow morning. i'm going for neither. reason? dagger-feeling cramps. i hardly have the energy to even stand up. been sleeping so much. just today, i napped 6 hours in the afternoon. haha. such a pig.

oh well, i've been so bored. my grandma's birthday "party" was in the afternoon but i seemed to be in a foul mood the whole time. :X i hope she's happy. dammit. she's going to live in australia soon.

EH! I'M SO BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK MAN!

LOVE, stephie

2006-08-31T20:50:00.000+08:00

i feel like such a shmuck.

my chest hurts.

my tummy hurts.

training was cancelled today.

i felt so f-ed up cos by the time i found out there was no chance in hell i could fall asleep again.

and the weather was PERFECTO and it was 7 in the morning.

so i went through my day in random boredom.

met my mumsy for lunch.

then stayed in her office for awhile and got mummied by all of them who were so free there.

haha. met hardeep after that after his work.

then we went to the magic shop in peninsular.

that was so lame. and crampped up. hahaha.

so well, i'm home now. so tired and just found out that joakim is out of Singapore Idol.

long awaited. but not like i cared in the first place.

oh well, i think i'm gonna sleep now.

it's so cold and i'm so cosy in my bed.

nighty night!!!!

2006-08-24T20:01:00.000+08:00

i miss him!!!!!!!!

oh my gosh. sial la. i just wrote yesterday that i'd miss seeing him everyday and i already do today. like every single time i type something online, i'll just wait so fking intently for his reply. (which usually comes 5 mins abit too late.) like at this exact moment he's just randomly typing a line of letters - it doesn't make sense - but i'm still talking to him.

OKAY. made plans to pick dee dee up from work tomorrow and we'd be lunching together. errrr. probably at marina again. then we'll play daytona, fo' sure!!!!!!! haha. i'm so excited for tommorow. so excited i may just put on a dress and run out of my house and take a cab down to meet him.

well, i know i sound so psycho now. but i think i'm having a heart attack after realising i love him oh so much. RAHHHH. i'm going mad.

2006-08-23T22:21:00.000+08:00

ARGH. today was the last day of school. i didn't really anticipate it. what will i do for a whole month without seeing hardeep every morning? and his annoying N I A sound so constantly repeating itself outside the class that i can hear it at it's faintest.

don't ask for reasons why i love you, hardeep. it's something unexplanable. making you happy makes me happy. lalala. can you imagine, we won't see each other EVERYDAY for ONE MONTH!!!!!

i'm gonna miss you babe.

2006-08-23T11:29:00.000+08:00

oh goshhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

i'm going to miss everyone!!

one semester together and i can't bear to leave W14Q.

when we see each other around school, don't act like strangers alright.

i can still remember you from the first day i came into class thinking i was late. haha. that was damn funny. i practically ran up to class and sat at the "girl's table" panting. and then the first comment i heard from opposite me came from the quick-witted eeqa. "oooo... friendly!". HAHA. that was damn funny too. i wish we didn't have to leave so quickly. boohoo.

other than that, i guess we have to move on.

bitches inc. will forever be.

see you around school honeys!!!!

2006-08-22T12:59:00.000+08:00

i'm in the cafe now. left class abit early cos i gave up on myself and programming on VB. this sucks. haha. with my usual partner-in-crime -- EEQA. lalala. my parents have been fighting like ass the past few days, it's been really annoying/frustrating/sad to hear my mum scream into the phone so much. and last night she even vented her temper on me. i really wanted to scream back at her but i guess it's really not a nice thing to do. (: sometimes i hate my dad for what he does to himself and my mum. trying so hard not to be affected. but i guess it only makes me want to stay in my room a little more than i usually do.

i just bought a book on friday after school and now i'm done with it. weekends really bore me out so i guess it's good to get into my little dream world sometimes and read and read and read and read. haha. yes yes, i love reading. as much as i hate to admit it. ((: dee got me the book i wanted to read for the longest time -- the curious incident of a dog in the night-time. i'll get to it on thursday i guess. my month-long holiday starts then. but there'll still be rugby training and lots of events to attend i guess. hmmm. getting bored of my life right about now. need something new. maybe i'll ask my mum to bring me to hong kong next weekend or something. lalalala.

finally, i proclaim today one of the most boring in my life.

p.s.: i need a sugar daddy.

2006-08-18T14:39:00.000+08:00

okayy. supposedly eeqa thinks she feels restricted that i'm reading her blog as she's typing the entry. HAHA. WHATEVER EEQA! whatever makes you happy. i'll update my own. :P

i'm sitting in the cafe cos school ended wayyyy early, like yesterday, at 2. haha. and then i saw the whole group chaoing while i was presenting, making a fool of themselves as usual. hardeep and his 'NIA!' noise. ~~oh well, i think i'm waiting for owen to finish class. cos i miss cam whoring, since my phone got spoilt. ): so i'm gonna go wild with his phone instead.~~ omg. i can't imagine that i actually stopped myself from chaoing today. haha. guess there's no need for that since it's already the last week of sch. just 3 more school days till the one month holiday.

gameday tomorrow. finally, i'm playing as a sub and not a shadow no more. WHEEEEEE. when the hell or how soon is september 1st gonna come. i sooooooo wanna wear my new top, which i still haven't let my mum know about. well, what she doesn't know won't exactly hurt her right? my money anyway. haha. so well, i'll be bored till tmr. probably update tonight again. *bish.* bye loves.

2006-08-16T11:33:00.000+08:00

the girl in the green hairband. is me.

so i'm in class now and i have a bimbo faced teacher who doesn't even seem confident about what she's asking/ telling us. err, yea, till we can't even differentiate if she's asking or telling. HAHA. "oh mandy, you came and you gave and looked stupid. so we pushed you away, oh mandy!!!" i'm so mean.

i'm gonna miss everyone. it's just another 2 weeks till we pass each other in school and just say a casual hi. but for fie's case, that mat rape is going to NS. you stupid boy!!!!! dye your hair for $160 right? in the end gonna be botak. you should have donated to the "help stephie fund". i could have found a better use for that money! HAHA. i'll probably update later. so bored now. and i can't think of anything. wheeeee. bye!!!!!!!

2006-08-14T20:54:00.000+08:00

you know i'm such a fool for you.
i love my har-ney-deeps.
i'll be right by your side no matter what.
thick and thin.

i love you.

2006-08-13T20:16:00.000+08:00

after countless attempts of wanting to blog, i finally have something to type. okay, just for the record, i watched click! finally. and being the usual e.b.c., i cried my eyeballs out. i guess too many things/ memories came back at once and i didn't know how to feel - so i just let it all out.

yesterday was ntl gameday again, but this time i didn't make the team. but opted to be shadow for the mixed team instead. haha. knowing that it'll be hot and dehydrating, plus the fact that there are only 7 female players allowed to play and sub mixed games, i went anyway. haha. the jersey was bright orange and sleeveless. so some of us unintentionally looked like basketballers instead of touch girls. HAHA. oh ya, i went on anyway, cos diy aka sexy eyeballs aka girl-who-twisted-her-leg ordered me too. it wasn't too bad beside the fact that i wasn't mentally ready to play. i was kinda discouraged after finding out i wasn't playing. and that afternoon while warming up i was just playing the fool, pretending to be cheerleader and stuff. totalled 10 mins and i was off the field. :-S

after the mixed game stayed for the first few minutes watching the womens team play against wanderers again. then most of us walked out together, making plans along the loosely known reflection path. so lewis, dexter, nash and mimi went to dragon village (next to chong pang seafood) first and chope place for what seemed to be 10 or more ppl. OMFG. no one else came except louis. knn.

oh well, fireworks were nice. babes was sick at home. grr. wanted to watch the finale of fireworks with him and play daytona. ): <3

what a day. reached home at 12 - made my parents fetch me from the mrt station cos i was so fucking scared of walking back alone after the guys told me the fucked up stories of ghosts and stuff. haha. sounds stupid but i just fear these things alot. all's well now. night. ((:

2006-08-11T10:14:00.000+08:00

Vous m'avez dit de ne pas parler de vous.

Je ne peux pas l'aider.

Je suis désolé.

Je t'aime.

omg. miracles do happen.

i was on the brink of insanity due to:

my lost love.
my brokeness.

at least half the matter is done now. i mean, i kept hoping the situation would get better somehow and it did. after i came home from training last night, i had a letter waiting for me to open on the bar. "TO BE OPENED MY ADDRESSEE ONLY" it read. i thought it was just a stupid confirmation of termination BUT!!!!!!! i was informed i still have a cheque in the office. FOR $381.50.

triple YAY for me!!!!!!!! hahaha.
abby and i are going shopping shopping shopping.
right?
i know you love me. ((:
flee markets, here i come!!!!

i'm sitting in class, so fucking bored. i'm gonna chao during the next breakout to collect the cheque. wheeeee. it's the only thing that is keeping me awake now. ((:

oops. i was updating half way and chaoed anyway. so i'm back to continue. :P

went to get my cheque all the way at Winsland House II. omg. such a tiring journey. and it had a dash of my vicious jealousy. sigh. okay whatever. see, that's why my favourite colour is green and it suits my personality so well. lala. we played that sweet game which ended me kissing someone. i don't know why it felt so natural. i tried not to put any emotion into my day today. so i just looked so fucked up the whole time frowning away in an unlaughy manner. obviously it didn't work for long. i can never seem to keep a straight face, and i'm so soft-hearted i wanna die.

why does it feel like it's so wrong to get close to someone now. maybe i've numbed myself too much the past few days and i just don't want to simply feel. so i met up with my pretty ladies after the whole trip @ TM. haha. long time no see. so fun. we were all just sharing stories - at the same time. seems like things have been going well so far for them. it's comforting to know. ((: so i just reached home and trying to be excited for fireworks tomorrow night. although i'm still unsure of who's actually going. whoever wants to just come la. fullerton darlings.

so i'm writing a new song now. my last one is done already. waiting for my partner in crime - wherever he disappeared to - to fill it in with proper chords and stuff. hopefully recording some of the songs soon. i also have a "poetry blog" under '*poetic relief' on the left. go visit it or something ok? haha. support local talent. erm. i'm still budding la. but whatever. read it. i'll put up a proper skin soon. it looks like shit currently. haha. forgive me.

ever-so-loving steph

2006-08-09T12:21:00.000+08:00

i want to feel that way again.

steph, stop crying your heart out.

2006-08-08T16:20:00.000+08:00

my poetic quickie

for you my only one

I once kissed your lips,

I once held your hands.

Now all that I feel

Is just distant revenge.

But revenge is different;
I'm feeling hollowness.
The hollow feeling,
Of just being friends.

The things that we did,
Can never be replaced.
I just need you now,
Where no one can take your place.

So please, oh please,
Come back some time soon.
The feeling I'll feel then
Would be me flying over the moon.

feeling so numbed.

2006-08-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

it was such a nice morning and afternoon.

who would have thought i'd end up feeling the pits.

and looking the dumps and disfigured.

i've never cried so hard for someone.

never wanted to.

but half a tissue box after i already did.

here you go.

i once believed in love at first sight when i met you.

i guess not anymore. cos it got me nowhere.

and just earlier in the day i was worried i was going to be the one ruining our relationship.

if you would be the one i would want to finally change for and keep.

and then the wise words i heard scared me.

it's karma.

what i did before would come back to me.

i didn't think it would happen this fast.

but i guess it did.

and if there is nothing i can do to change your mind.

you kissed me and i thought you loved me.

what matters is i still love you.

love hurts.

2006-08-04T14:23:00.000+08:00

heya. i've been licked! by darling. harrrr-deeeeep!!!!!! eww. ya it sounds gross. he can take the place of a chow chow pup anytime. (but i still long deeply for one.) teehee.

okay i'm in school, once again. yesterday's match against np was bitchass. killed my body. and mind you, distance from np to pasir ris = very long journey home. i reached home at 10.30. alone!!! everyone was sleeping and i almost had to wait 10 mins outside to try to wake someone up. haha. and i was fking hungry.

ooooo. game day tomorrow again. but this time all the way to turf city. ): and my uncle from australia, who hasn't been here for 22 years, is back. and he's coming over for dinner. i think i'm going to cab back home. cos my dad will surely make noise if i come home late. it's not like i'm not used to it la. haha. i wish someone would car enough and love me enough to come fetch smelly me after the game. ((:

i need to go shopping!!!!!!

godpa, are you reading this?

♥, your darling goddaughter.

2006-08-02T14:06:00.000+08:00

so wanna see my new hair? it doesnt exactly look like what i wanted it to be. but it's all good. ((: RAH. lookie lookie!!
WOW! today in school i looked absolutely fabulously FAT! and that was even before i ate or drank anything. and i was sooooooo sad when my friend told me right in my face in front of the drink stall. )): ya, and she had the cheek to look at my screen and go "omg, and that friend is me.". oh well, there's nothing i can do about it now. i stole hardeep's jacket anyway. it's so warm and smells wonderful, just like him. hee. ((:

have you ever noticed your surroundings during a lesson or presentation? no one ever seems to be 100% there. there's always a device of distraction. a ear piece blasting music. a dvd playing on a laptop. little discussions with a friend. sleep. IMing. or even blogging, like me. hmm. this is weird. everyone's in their own little dreamland. and all can't wait to get out of this cold room. there's always that one person who is though. she will always seem to have so many questions to ask. so many comments to give.

okay. my class is getting funny. but i'm so tired. maybe even too tired to laugh. i got a match tmr. and saturday. shaun wanted to book me for simpang on friday... hmm... not really sure yet. don't even know if my parents will let me go. damn it. ok bye. haha. that is obviously enough for now. ((:

2006-07-29T10:25:00.000+08:00

I welcome you inside my life

For what you do

Oh you make me happy

So very happy

Once again

Here I stand

So inspired

To take your hand

And never take for granted

What I was granted

Once again

I never thought I could love again

I never thought I'd let somebody else in

I never thought I could trust and then

Here I am in love once again(Once again)

You touched my heart

Now I can breathe

You saved my life

And still I can't believe you made it happen

Made it happen

Once again

I never thought I could love again

I never thought I'd let somebody else in

I never thought I could trust and then

Here I am in love once again(Once again)

And when see you baby this is when

I want to scream it at the top of my lungs

I love you baby!

I know I'll never have this chance again

I welcome you inside my life

For what you do

Oh you make me happy

So very happy

Once again...

i heard this when we had a fight. it melted my heart and i want to give in. so badly. i'd cry for you. i'd bleed for you. can i make things right? just like they were a few hours before it in school. everything seemed so perfect in that dark room. don't you remember?

2006-07-27T15:07:00.000+08:00

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

LOOK HOW MY HAIR'S GONNA LOOK LIKE ON MONDAY!!!!!!!

okay. hmm. i was sposed to write this yesterday but i was too tired. i was talking to owen online and then i told him monchhichis are so cute. and then i sent him the link to my fan club. haha. then after that he got the cheek to say that he looks like a monchhichi. so this is what i concluded. please see below.

hahahhahaha. omg. this is hilarious. but thanks to owen who said that he actually looks like a monchhichi. HAHA. anyway, apart from that, i have totally fallen in love with the REAL ones. both the monchhichis and bebichhichis.

i'm really looking forward to tomorrow so that i can use less shampoo and waste less time bathing. this means another bonus.

more sleeping time.

hope you all have a great weekend.

today's shaunie's birthday.

asshole. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

2006-07-26T14:14:00.000+08:00

okay. i've been putting off this entry for far too long. heh. great. i'm in school alone. without my boyfriend. today's like our 1 month and 2 days today. yea. i didn't even update that. it was fun. we like have such memorable presents in each other's lappies. i wrote (and sang) a song. and dee made me a pretty video!! omg. it was almost the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.

okay. i've had complaints that i'm too mushy in my blog. sorry about that hunnies. okok. school sucks the life outta me. and i've been getting so irritated with everyone around me. i feel it's about time we change classes. don't get me wrong. i just feel i need lots of change. first i'm gonna cut my hair this weekend. antiscipating!!!!! WHOO. and then i'm gonna get my colored contacts. GREEN!!!! and clear ones for rugby. hmm. i don't know. maybe even get new specs.

ANYWAY. i have been alerted cos i think a few hungry ghosts have possessed me and i've been eating non-stop since yesterday. coincidence? i think not. maybe it's cos of rugby, i've been eating to get my strength level up. RAHH. anyway. made this pic just for dee. cos i fell in love with his green eyes all in the first place.

2006-07-20T22:13:00.000+08:00

RAHH. I’m so bored in the bus now so I decided to type this entry for my blog. It has already been an hour since I left RJC after our touch match. Matthew was ref. haha. Oh my, it was so tiring. I don’t really feel like doing my RJ now. If I knew the qn, maybe I would. Well, I got my jersey with my number 3. haha. So proud of myself. Disgusting.

Argh. I’m so hungry. I think I can eat even more than a friggin’ horse. Haha. Hmm, called my mum just now trying to hint that I needed a ride home but all she said was “go and find the nearest MRT station la!”. Oh man, so much help. Haha. So kris and I are in the bus as I mentioned before and we’re like in our own worlds. She’s like addicted to sims or something. And I’m playing solitaire, listening to Mariah carey’s melancholic voice and blogging. I think after this I’ll still have time for a short nap. Wheee. Wish we had a cab or something. I wanna go home and bathe. I don’t think I even have the mood to eat now. Oh well, let’s just see how it goes later.

I changed my blog template. I think it’s pretty and artistic. I miss dancing a whole lot. Now I’m stuck playing touch. ((: not bad though. Kinda good to get some exercise some once in a while.

Today, school was okay. But now I think I have smelly feet. Sigh. I need help. I’m gonna fall asleep any moment. Come to think of it, I don’t really wanna change my class in august. We’ve just grown so close and as henry puts it, “break us up”. There’s so many things I’ll miss about it. My friends, the over-frequent toilet breaks we take, the pretty/handsome faces, gamers, noise. The list goes on, but I don’t wanna seem like an emotional basket case on the bus. Haha. I think that’ll be all for tonight. Nights there sweetpeas!!!! :P

2006-07-20T14:07:00.000+08:00

woah!!!! i wanna fall asleep right now. having communications today and i'm my own example for using melanin block. haha. ((: today i wore a big white shirt and my denim skirt with slippers as usual. haha. so i was busy stubbing out ciggerettes on the ground. today was quite boring so seriously speaking, i can't wait for school to end. and it will also be the end of analysis. HAHA. and the start of our defeat over rjc. i don't even know where that is. getting my light purple jersey later. hahaha. so lame and ugly.

so for all that formal wear, remi and i look like we're transfer students from shatec. and dee just looks like a salesman. haha. RAHH. hi abby and cheryl, this time i AM going to have a BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!! no more fake hopes. hahaha. ((: wish me luck for the game!!! wheeeeeeeeeeee.

2006-07-15T19:33:00.000+08:00

can anyone be really happy with their lives?

i heard this song on the radio and one line really made me think.

I don't know why I'm feeling sorry for myself

I spend all my time wishing that I was someone else.

i'm feeling like ass now at home.

went out with dee to town just now. i finally like know how to play pool properly and he taught me a few tricks here and there. it was so fun!! haha. first time in my life i've ever had someone make me do fun and sponteneous stuff like that. later i hafta go get my sister from school and i wanna go get some milo dinosaur!!!!!!! CRAVING ALERT! hahaha.

i miss hardeep already. dammit. its only been 3 hours. haha. i followed him to pan pacific just now and got myself an application form. well, i guess i'm already accepted it's just that i'm starting not so soon.

i soooo cannot wait to leave my house now. i wanna get some fresh air. and just be out at night with my brother, so fun. we can scare the shit out of people being the usual pranksters. haha.

((:

2006-07-14T10:42:00.000+08:00

Get a load of me, get a load of you

Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you

It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you, and we're out at night

Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right

And I've got someone waiting too

This is, this is just the beginning

We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it

So tell me

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up

Finding someone else you can't get enough of

Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch

Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch

But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we are, we're at the beginning

We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it

So tell me

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

I'd love for you to make me wonder

Where it's goin'

I'd love for you to pull me under

Somethin's growin'

for this that we can control

Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it

So tell me

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Baby, i love you.

2006-07-13T21:55:00.000+08:00

look, look!!!! dee and i starring in our very own wallpaper!!!!

can you see lots of GRRREEN and ORANGE???

haha. so i was talking to abby just now. she's very weird today. haha. but i love her all the same. hahaha. excuse all that laughing. although i got badly hit and injured by my dear boy, plus some of the horrible after-effects of yesterday's touch clinic, i am surprisingly really happy. i mean, as much as i wanted to suffocate myself for turning up in school today for an extremely tedious (and boring) lesson in a freezing cold room. it didn't matter to me that much after awhile. cos i finally escaped from the room full of numbnuts (haha.) and got to see dee!!! haha. so well, he was kinda mean at first, but he's always so funny i can't ever make myself hate him. he just makes me laugh all the time (except when i got hit really badly by his elbow, yeah, really not funny.)!!!

lunch was funny cos remi crossed the road on his own. haha. and we crossed by overhead bridge and climbed this well fertilized hill (eew. still can't imagine i did that.) and asked remi why he was taking so long. *rolls eyes* haha. i shared some of dee's nasi goreng. nice. and as usual everyone was sitting down talking cock. but i had to be back in class early so we walked back to school after eating. BAH.

goodnight. ms lembek has to do rj now. ((:

2006-07-12T10:47:00.000+08:00

i hate being doubted.

do you think i'm that stupid to forge a relationship with you?

i'm just doing this to get my grades.

you don't have to be a bitch and say things in front of my face.

being bitchier, you talk behind my back.

never ever take others into consideration of your unlived life.

you piss me off, bitch!

omg. i feel so fucked up.

i blame the rain.

i have to leave class so on for rugby clinic.

i so do not feel like going.

i hope abby does well for her speech test.

haha. still can't get over that.

someone kill me.

i love you dee.

2006-07-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

You're the one who makes me happy honey
You're the sun who makes me shine
When you're around I'm always laughing
I want to make you mine
I close my eyes
And see you before me
Think I would die
If you were to ignore me
A fool could see
Just how much I adore you
I get down on my knees
I'd do anything for you

i am doubted.

2006-07-08T14:39:00.000+08:00

i'm so bored at home on a saturday afternoon. talking to dee online. haha. it's weird. i talk to him almost 24/7. only when i sleep, i don't. oh well. ((:

i just dyed my dad's hair and intending to get some ice cream from the freezer but i'm a little lazy now so i guess i'll get my sister to do that for me. haha. oh ya, i bought him the same colour abby dyed for me. so lame. my version of bonding with my dad. not very conventional. but better than nothing.

i still have the urge to go clubbing!! i wanna. i wanna. i wanna. didn't i sound like some spoilt brat. hah! i'm getting myself excited and all revved up for tomorrow's carnival in school. i don't know if we're exactly gate crashing but i know it will be fun!!!!! everything i do in school is fun!!!! haha. RP is a fun school, i tell ya.

i'm going job hunting again soon. no more body shop. so i'm aiming for new york, new york in citylink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RAH. get me that job!

xxx

2006-07-07T14:52:00.000+08:00

hahaha. hey ya'll! haven't updated in quite a long time eh. oh well, had rugby yesterday which was kinda fantastic. so far i don't think i've lost any weight but i'm sure i look healthier - abit big size though. so i paid for my light purple jersey already. walau, i think they made it out of gold. so expensive!! haha. i felt like paying half price cos i don't like the colour. nb. why purple?

was walking outta school for lunch and met some ruggers at the bus stop smoking. then something astonished me, garfield smokes!!!!!!!!! looks can be decieving. even dee didn't believe la. and speaking about not believing, shan still doesn't think dee is seriously with me.

oh well. hahaha. i so cannot concentrate during class now. bla motivation bla.

xxx

2006-07-02T17:19:00.000+08:00

fragrant dung infront of my school.

i love school.

whoever said secondary school was fun has got to be kidding. like c'mon!!! get real, tertiary is a gazzillion times better!!!!!! well, sometimes it's the atmosphere. sometimes it's the people you spend it with. i wish it could be both. secondary school friends in the same school. how fun. more daring. more experiences together. (:

tomorrow, i will have my next dental appointment.

tomorrow, i will be late for school.

tomorrow, will be 3 years after my beloved greatgrandmother's death.

tomorrow, we will have fun.

tomorrow, i will have money.

tomorrow, i will love.

tomorrow, i will have friends.

tomorrow, i will smile.

tomorrow, i will say hello.

tomorrow, i will wear blue.

tomorrow, i will eat fish and chips.

what if tomorrow, never comes?

2006-06-30T14:51:00.000+08:00

woohoo. in school now, and kinda high.

oh well, we finished a bottle of absolute raspberry during the second break. i think everybody sek already. haha. i know i am. hope it goes away soon la. but i feel good. i feel so warm in class even though i'm using just a singlet looking thing and shorts. HAHA.

supposed to go to tiff and linette's party tonight but i guess not. like fucking party animals cos almost every friday go out and go party. ((:

i think the parents will feel sneaky about all that partying. are their children getting drunk?? are their children getting laid????

omg. my stomach so hot and painful. i need a hug. hahaha. oh yes... yesterday evening rp ruggers against np. i know we won the last game outta 3. the score? 3 - 1.

here are the results of our little drinking party :

1. remi pissed drunk and felt like humping a girl.

2. hippo high and horny.

3. dee lost. walking around outside class.

4. louis in love with the red bottle and talking about cigar.

HAHA. that was what happened so far. gosh. i need to pee.

xxx

2006-06-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

you always need a calm one amidst the panick attacks.
through your problems.
though your complicating love affairs.
look for the bestie. :)

i totally love her. she's a lifesaver, my bestfriend.

i can't believe that it's only been 3 years since i met her.

it feels like forever,

well it is a good thing.

she's always there

when i need her or not.

(i always do)

this entry professes my love for abigail goh shin yi YEE.

love ya behbay!!!!

xxx

2006-06-26T20:50:00.000+08:00

hey people. currently in the midst of my school work. well, ever since school started, my lappy has been on almost constantly. it's like taking the place of my handphone, hell yeah, i don't even use my phone as much as i do my laptop. i think it's also very appropriately named, lifebook.

anyway, i have contracted a horrible disease. my english has been suffering a terrible ailment, i'm becoming china-fied. all the la leh mehs. they are killing me and my english cuppa' tea image please. haha. oh well, i feel like killing someone right now.

aww man, now i'm feeling so sleepy and un-normal. i'm thinking about things.

more than hope,
more than faith.
this is love.
this is fate.

2006-06-24T15:41:00.000+08:00

hey there fellow bums!! yesterday was super fun. even the newspaper said someone did some research and the best day of the year is on june 23rd. it said that people made lots of memories on that day. i know i did. ((:

well yesterday was eventful in some sense. it was the start of "accounting" or something like it. had enterprise and henry leong had a new haircut. jerry told him that he looked more handsome like that. pukes. yea, sure. riiight. and henry gladly agreed. so was slacking his whole lesson through.

after school met dee and went to msq by cab. then he was having a headache. poor boy. we went to collect his pay from pan pac hotel. after that we went to the body shop and the other steph passed me my pay advice. why the hell do they call it that. they don't teach me how to spend it. (: so well, we went to makan abit at subway then went to jalan jalan. then dee wanted me to get green contacts like him. hahaha. no thanks.

so i made my way to tiff's party and everyone was dunking everyone else into the pool. i didn't get wet but might as well had cos when i was going off everyone with wet bodies gave me a group hug. HAHA. so after hanging around for a little while i went home. missed one bus so waited. and waited. and waited till the next one came. by the time i reached home was already 9.45. and i was sleepy. but i went online anyway. then talked alot of rubbish to everyone while doing my rj. which was fucked up because of the lousy connection. cb cb cb!!!!

feeling so fat, depressed and broke now. 4 days to my miserable pay day. i wanna cut my ATM card. it's making me go crazy spending. not that i have money now anyway. i can't wait to go back to school on monday. i wanna just forget all my problems and drown myself in science. hopefully this time i'll do my rj and sheah min won't ever-so-kindly ask me why i didn't hand it in. leo and all that shit can be flushed down the toilet bowl.

someone buy me an early birthday present please. pretty pretty please!

2006-06-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

i'm currently damn irritated with dee. all thanks to what he thinks is so funny. blocking and unblocking on msn. sotp it!!! hahaha. hello dee. you are the first to see this. so i'll dedicate this to you.

well, you are the boy next door. and i'm very happy that you are my friend right now. ((: you never fail to entertain me with your witty stunts, and placing "flowers" outside my class. you clown. haha. it's really nice just having your company and i mean, your friends are great too!! this is so fun!!!!!! haha.

i love your ever changing eyes. so pretty!! haha. yes, especially the green ones. whoo!!! and not to forget brown and blue. $18 each? haha. no no, priceless. i'm going crazy here. haha. wanna write a perfect self praise. maybe i can start like..."i am a perfect concept." haha. maybe that will be all i write. riiight. like the faci would believe.

anyway, i didn't mean to make a comment on your clothes the other time. but it gave me every other reason to talk to you. :P well, you have a beautiful personality dee. haha.. such a wonderful friend. writing this makes me so happy. HAHA. and wait a minute before you say you're ugly. you look like my bum. which is perky. hahaha. nvm. you look nice. handsome. cute. hahaha. yes. and you have a good dress sense. anything'd do for you. yes yes, even cammo and stripes.

xxx
love ya babe!